Under the Influence
What is this, an early delivery of the January blog, maybe New Year’s resolutions do work after all?! Don’t get too used to it just in case.
This is a follow up to the New Year Instagram post regarding resolutions and motivation. We mentioned some terrible advice dispensed by online influencers and wanted to ensure you have a critical eye for toxic positivity and can overcome it where necessary. It was one particular YouTube video that really riled us up so **** it, let’s call it out. That is not to say this individual doesn’t deliver some gems too, but in our humble opinion this was way off the mark. It feels quite uncomfortable naming somebody in a critique but surely a well developed character would welcome criticism and may have a retort if they ever were to read this. The video featured Jocko Willink, you may be familiar with his particular style of tough love. Unfortunately we have struggled to find it again otherwise we would have specifically named the video, maybe it was taken down.
The discussion was around a training partner and friend that was in a bad spot, was going through a divorce and having to sell the business he had built in order to pay the settlement. He was then going to take a retail job in order to get by and pay child support. He had gone from a positive life trajectory to feeling lost and out of control. The advice starts with a nice analogy, stating that this individual was in the woods and what he was doing was just standing there looking around. What he needed to do is start walking, eventually he would find some downhill terrain that may lead to a tributary that will lead to a stream that will lead to a town and a solution to the predicament. A solid analogy for somebody that is frozen by negative circumstances and grief.
As something of a tangent the above analogy brings to mind another hack that didn’t make it on to the aforementioned Instagram post. That is to focus on the journey not the destination. It sounds a bit trite but practically speaking it can release a lot of tension. Take the classic new year diet for example. If you are focused on the end goal there is a sense that your life is on hold and that can come with pressure and tension. However once you get to the point where you have a sustainable healthy eating routine that you can maintain for life (which may only take weeks or even days), allow yourself to tick it off the list and let your body find it’s equilibrium in time. Yes you are still going to want to monitor your weight loss and there may be some nuance when you reach plateaus, but this thought process will release you of all of the painful concerns around “dieting”.
Going back to the critique of the video; the host then goes on to say that the solution is to take that retail job and make your isle the tidiest in the store. And then you would be given three isles, and they would be the tidiest in the store. Then you would be offered department manager. Then you would end up store manager then regional manager etc etc. Quite frankly this is nonsense. Anybody who has any experience of employment will know that giving 110% will keep you in the same job on the same money for the foreseeable. Yes there will be exceptions, and the host of the video specifically notes that networking needs to be part of the package. This is all very well if you are a character for whom networking comes naturally and you are making your money dispensing advice, not actually having to do the retail job. This is of course with all due respect to those that work hard in retail, and we sincerely hope you enjoy it. However most would admit that it isn’t the dream career. It seemed bizarre that the first question wasn’t why are you having to take that job, you are experienced at running a business? Of course once a business has been sold there may be a clause that stops you operating in the same sector but surely there are better options for self-employment or employment. Specifics aside (the retail job story was real and presented sort of part real part analogy), the point that was being made was that your happiness and success is a matter of just having the right attitude towards your situation. It felt patronising for somebody in charge of their own career destiny to suggest people should improve their attitude towards their servitude.
As another tangent this is reminiscent of some advice we were once given for developing a wellbeing brand, and that was in order to succeed, you need to really live your practice. This does feel true and is absolutely the best thing to do, but the fact is sometimes when you put yourself out there the universe doesn’t respond. And we know for a fact there are people working in this space who don’t practice what they sell but make a lot of money.
To conclude, be aware that in the online influencer space that is full of toxic positivity, it is very easy for them to say that a particular life path can be rewarding with the right attitude when they don’t have to follow it. This appears to be something of a victim blaming mentality. It is fine for an individual to say they have been dealt a shitty hand. Then after a good moan it is the time to listen to various advisory perspectives, take them or leave them, and play that hand to the best of your ability.